INFIDELITY
Once upon a time the President of the United States was implicated for having an extramarital affair, I'm speaking of John F. Kennedy whose dalliances can only rightly be described as prolific. Decades after his assassination there are still people claiming to have had an affair with him during his tenure as POTUS. And all these years later, it's still not perfectly honest to describe his presidency as simply the sticky pages in history.
For starters, he was the first Catholic President. I know for many younger readers that may not seem like much of a big deal, but the idea of a president who might "serve the Pope over the State" was a concern for a lot of people. Then of course there's the idea that people generally distrust others with openly different religious views, even if those views are simply a different flavor of the same one holds. But I digress, it was kinda a big deal. It wasn't exactly the first Jewish or Muslim president, but it was definitely a step (if small) in the right direction for true representation of that American ideal of Freedom of Religion.
Then in 1962, following the Bay of Pigs fiasco he managed to stave off what could have easily turned into a global nuclear holocaust. He emphasized public service and established the Peace Corp which helped facilitate that service. He also kick started one of the nation's proudest moments when we reached toward the stars and set foot on the moon. None of that changes the fact he cheated on his wife, my point is that his infidelity is one part of the complex experience that makes up his own life. Okay, I hear you saying "and"?
ASHLEY MADISON
Ah, so...
I first heard about the infamous website when news that Avid Life Media, the proprietors of Ashley Madison and similar sites was hacked. To be fair though, I wasn't exactly surprised. I'm not new here, I've been talking with terrible people through the computer screen since the late 80s. I've seen some things is what I'm saying, so the thought of a website that facilitates infidelity wasn't much of a stretch. Let's face it, if you watch cable past 7pm you've probably seen commercials for sites like CougarLife for example. Though not technically a site dedicated to cheating, it's still not in keeping with the societal norms necessarily. Similarly, there are websites for sugar daddies, OkCupid, Kink, etc. Which is to say the internet is for bumping pelvises in whatever way you wish, and to suggest otherwise is disingenuous at best.
It's not terribly surprising then that a website devoted to making marriages shorter would exist, less surprising has been the reaction to the news that the information has been dumped. Much like the Fappenning the masses began searching for dirt. The difference is that this time, sleeziness has been piled on top of sleeziness. I'm not a fan of Josh Duggar, in fact that's probably the largest understatement of the year. So, when I found out he was among the number leaked during the hack//dump my opinion wasn't greatly changed about the man. Anyone willing to sex up his own underage sisters while denouncing homosexuals as perverts can't really sink much further short of actual murder. All we really learned was he had a paid account on Ashley Madison and OKCupid. I'm going to ask a question that I've not heard asked in this situation... So what?
KEEPING IT 100
Let's be clear here, Josh Duggar's excrementitious behavioral history doesn't mean everything he does is awful. It definitely means he won't be babysitting for me anytime, ever. However, last time I checked infidelity is not an actual crime in (much) of the US. And where it still exists as law, it exists in kinda the same way anti sodomy laws exist. IE who gives a shit?
I know, some of you are screeching at the screen right now "What about the spouses?" that's a good point, some of the people who were registered for that site undoubtedly lived in "open relationships". I know, it's common knowledge that those types of relationships don't exist, however they do. I dated a girl we'll call J years and years ago. After we'd been together about a month she asked me how I'd feel about having such a relationship. It took me the better part of a decade to understand it, but she didn't ask me that to hurt me, but because she saw me as a long term partner, not a casual fling. Point is, it's not for me, but I can at least respect now that for some people they're able to balance a life with a serious partner while maintaining casual relationships on the side.
These people, I think we can all agree don't deserve to be doxxed. Though what they're doing might be considered taboo, it's certainly not something they deserve to be stoned for. And in some instances, victims of this hack may actually suffer severe consequences up to and including death, as this Alternet article points out, thousands of people who've been outed by the hack are homosexuals from countries looking for a discreet way to meet other people (predominantly men) without fear of being beheaded in their country...
Then of course there are the families and loved ones of those exposed, these people don't deserve to be publicly shamed but they will be. There's the kids of the couple whose getting a divorce now. Yeah, the people who were in a relationship and members of that site may very well have been shitty partners, but that's also not proven simply by virtue of them being registered for that site. Especially when we consider Identity Theft is real enough to have a hit comedy movie made on the topic. So yeah, I don't feel morally justified to point my finger at the list of names and somehow feel superior. Even if 100% of the people were guilty of all of the social crimes we assume they're guilty of, I don't know if I could still do that. Because I'm no angel either, I've done and said awful in my nearly thirty six years on this rock. Who am I to judge them?
I don't like the people who registered for Ashley Madison, I don't know them (probably). I'm not interested in searching for the names of people I know in that info dump so I can cackle in puritanical delight at those imperfect souls who I now know are beneath me. I won't cheer the broken homes in the wake of something like this. And I sure as hell won't cheer the implications of yet another case of broken security on the internet.
We complain about Microsoft snooping on us in Windows 10, but when a group of randoms who an axe to grind break into a secure system and spill the data on millions of people, we don't bat an eye. Not because of the people in question being somehow monsters, breaking the law. But because we've been hurt and in some small way we never got over it. The people we're vilifying now aren't the people in that list, but the girl who banged some dude at a kegger 20 years ago. Or the guy who slept with your best friend. What we need to realize is that those people don't exist anymore, they are phantoms. And if you're still mad about that, it's your problem. Maybe you should do something about it. Maybe, just maybe stop reveling in the misery of others...
Further Reading:
The Washington Post - Don't Gloat About the Ashley Madison Leak
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